Reflections
by lms2457
Summary: Castle and Beckett share conversation and discovery on their way back from their final visit with Joe and Vera toward the end of The Blue Butterfly. Oneshot.


**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, I still don't own Castle.

**A/N: **I decided to play with the Blue Butterfly and all of it's amazing allusions and subtext. The fate of the Blue Butterfly shall be toyed with here, but I won't call it an AU. We never did see all of Frankie's interrogation, and if Castle and Beckett knew it was fake, why ask Joe and Vera?

Also, reviews are like chocolates. You can never have too many. Feed me?

_For the always extraordinary CuffedBunnies._

* * *

><p>The first few miles of the ride were made in silence, but she didn't find it uncomfortable, despite being an uncommon occurrence between them. Instead, it seemed companionable as the each wandered through their own thoughts on the experience. For all she knew, Castle was still locked in his own imagination, "fate" and all.<p>

"You know," Castle offered, breaking the silence just as Kate was finding her self growing used to it, "I just wanted to say, it was really cool what you did back there."

Of all the things that he might have said to her, this was not what she had been expecting. "It wasn't a big deal, Castle. It was the right thing to do at the time. I mean what were we going to do? Drag in a couple in their 90's downtown on a cold case that was clearly self defense?"

She kept her eyes on the road as she spoke, but Castle turned to her with a long look that left her unsettled. She turned to him sharply. "What, Castle?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it again. She could see the reluctance in his eyes. She turned back to the road, but she could feel the tension in her own hands as they gripped the wheel. What was Castle stuck on now? "Spit it out, Castle."

"I just, I guess that it surprised me is all. I was just thinking that when I met you, well -" he sighed. "There was that night, on the Melanie Cavanagh case, and it just struck a chord is all."

She felt herself go still. He was right, and for a moment she wasn't sure whether this actually hadn't occurred to her, or if she had simply been hoping that he didn't remember. "That was different, Castle." Even when she was able to get the words out, they sounded wrong to her own ears. She tried to tell herself it was only because her mouth was suddenly so dry.

"Maybe it is," he said quietly. "Maybe you are too."

Her gut instinct was to deny it, to be angry at him for accusing her of compromising herself, her job. Had they not just gone trough this very thing with the mayor? The thing was, as she was forming a reply, she began to realize that she didn't hear accusation in his voice. It was more like approval. Or, maybe even pride.

What?

"What's your point here, Castle?" she bit out.

He looked over at her then, surprise on his face. "You did the right thing here, Kate. And probably then, too. It just seemed to come easily. It made me happy," he finishes quietly.

This filtered through her mind slowly, taking the tension with it. She'd changed. It was easier to just let something go.

She remembered the other case, remembered that night. How she had contemplated the idea of not taking the last parental figure from those two girls. How the weight of her own need for justice had pressed down on her until telling him had felt like the only hope of releasing it.

But this had come easily, was lighter. She was less weighed down now. That was what he was trying to say. She had thought of herself, her mother, as Vera and Joe told their story, but not like that. He was still staring at her, so she tried to find a way to redirect the course of the conversation.

"That was your takeaway, Castle? Not the girl so obsessed with her mother's death that she got herself killed?"

She risked a glance at him even as he turned away to stare out the window.

"I wasn't sure I should mention it," he said quietly, as if speaking to the pane of glass that stood between him and the outside world.

Or, what about the necklace that had started out as a treasure but become an unbearable weight, she thought. But she didn't say that. Saying it would feel far too close to an admission she wasn't quite ready to make. One that still felt a little too much like failure for her to accept. She fought the urge to touch the ring as she realized she hadn't replied to his statement.

He didn't give her a chance to correct it, though, apparently deciding to try to redirect the course of the conversation. "Of course, the fact that I had come to think of Sally as Alexis probably helped with that," he offered, his voice lighter.

She swallowed. Oh, god. All the denials in the world could not dissuade her from believing he had seen the two of them in Joe and Vera's places in his mind. Hell, if she was being totally honest with herself, she had too. Even before her partner's little Freudian slip. 'Fate' he'd said. She snorted. He looked over.

"Well," he said, apparently misreading her action, "That was because they were the same age. I certainly didn't think she'd turn out to be a criminal mastermind." he huffed, and she chuckled, because yeah that's kind of absurd, even for a mind like his. He wouldn't have seen that coming when he pictured her. Or that "she" would - accidentally - kill the girl, while "he" covered it up. Good god, that could lead to a few dozen new nightmares.

"Oh my god!" he sat bolt upright, and she looked over in both amusement and a little alarm. "What?"

"Joe hid the Blue Butterfly in a loose brick in the alley," he said, the excitement in his eyes clearly indicating to her that she has missed something that the writer suddenly considered vital.

"And?" she asked as she finally worked the car into a spot not far from the station. She heard the sigh of frustration he offered and bit back her own tolerant smile.

"And, the one we found in Frankie's apartment -"

"Was fake, Castle. Probably always was."

His annoyed expression has her turning to level her gaze at him.

"Yes, but it was found in the secret safe, right?"

"Right. Frankie said Joe told Stan how to find the safe, that's why Frankie was in the club with Stan, to get to the basement and -" realization smacked into her like that wall of bricks she'd overlooked. Joe had hidden it in the wall. Then he'd lied to Stan, directed him to the safe. Had he known there was a fake? Part of his and Vera's escape? Because if the fake was in the safe...

"Beckett, we should - "

"No."

Castle's expression was incredulous. "Are you serious? Kate,"

She held up a hand. "Rick, we can't," she said, cutting him off. Hearing herself mirror Vera's long ago words made her heart pound.

"But, if we found it..." he tried again.

"Then we would have to turn it in, and file a report, she said sternly. She watched the reality finally settle in his eyes just before he closed them.

"Including how we knew where to look for it," he said quietly. "Okay, yeah."

"Can't guarantee Gates wouldn't tie my hands if she knew, and what they have..." She stared straight ahead as she trailed off. "Some things you just have to let go," she finished.

She didn't flinch away when his hand found hers on the seat between them. Instead she curled her fingers around his, ran her thumb across his knuckles, but her eyes never strayed to his.

"I want that," he said, not declaring what part of her statement he was replying to.

It didn't matter. She squeezed his hand before releasing it and opening the driver's side door.

"Me too."


End file.
